Southern Gothic Special Edition: Stupid Alabama
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Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Monday, February 24, 2014
Hey! Tell all your friends, relatives, odd acquaintances, and even that crusty guy that gives you the stink-eye for no reason that Stupid Alabama is FREE on Kindle today. Click the link below and let the adventure begin!
FREE Kindle version of Stupid Alabama!
FREE Kindle version of Stupid Alabama!
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Hero of the Week – Manute Bol
So I won’t generally have sports stars or even
celebrities as the Hero of the Week, but I happily make an exception this time.
Manute Bol was a basketball player (in my opinion not a very big deal). At 7’7”
he was tied as the tallest person ever to play in the NBA, which is pretty
cool, but still not hero-worthy. What makes this man a hero is what he did for
the the people from Sudan, Manute's home. He donated over 3.5 million dollars (all the money he
made) to build hospitals and help refugees. He didn’t stop there. After he was
done playing basketball, he attended and performed at many charity events to protect people that had nothing. He once boxed William “the
Refrigerator” Perry (and won) and even joined a hockey team (though he couldn't ice skate) to promote his cause. He was
a huge, goofy, happy, and most of all giving man that dedicated his life to
helping others. So I'm proud to name him my first Hero of the Week.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
The Adventures of General GrettaBot vs. the Squirrel Armada - Day #1175
(Author's note - The Adventures of General GrettaBot is best read aloud using a super-hero voice, like Batman whispering.)
The squirrel army came again, in the dead of night as I had feared. The Leader was sleeping soundly and I was at my usual post (which is 3/4 of the bed), pretending to doze but keenly aware of my surroundings. I have mastered the art of sleep obfuscation to such a fine degree that I can see what the tree rats are plotting in my dreams. Luckily on this night I woke myself with a fart.
You see, I am a Doberman Pinscher and I was put on this earth to fend off the dastardly squirrels from bringing chaos upon our side of the duplex. My mission is simple - defend the Leader at any and all cost.
Thankfully my subconscious mind realized the imminent danger and sounded my faithful butt-trumpet. The silence was broken with the pfffft-hiss. My ears instantly perked. I knew when I smelled the sweet-sour odor of partially digested pig ear and that sticky-hairy thing I found on the kitchen floor that it could only mean one thing, SQUIRREL!
My instincts took over. I leaped into action. Being a one-dog army, my duties are many and I often have to multitask. So I checked the perimeter and sounded the alarm simultaneously. I spun in several circles upon the Leader's bed while unleashing a mighty yowl. This tactic I use often due to it's effectiveness. Not once has a fuzzy fiend made it past the front line.
Keenly aware that there could be rodenty-assassins coming from any direction under the cover of night, I adjusted my tactics. The Leader must remain safe. During self-taught body-guard training camp, I learned to get between the Leader and any threat, tackling him to the ground if need be. Luckily he was asleep and already prone. I made certain he stayed that way. I was blessed with four strong legs, each a deadly weapon. As I spun and barked the alarm, I held the Leader down with one paw to the face to prevent him from sitting up. I was also very aware that he needed to be alert and ready to head to cover if the situation escalated. So I stepped on his crotch. I have observed that the tactic always gets a sudden and often loud reaction.
The plan was a success. The Leader instantly went into a protective fetal position, while barking orders. In the thick of battle, I only understood a few words, mostly curses which I can only assume were directed at the squirrels. I shall not repeat them, for they are sacred and from the Leader.
As quickly as the squirrels came, they retreated. Once again I lay my head upon the bed I had sworn to protect, basking in the glory of victory. Until we meet again...
(Author's note - The Adventures of General GrettaBot is best read aloud using a super-hero voice, like Batman whispering.)
The squirrel army came again, in the dead of night as I had feared. The Leader was sleeping soundly and I was at my usual post (which is 3/4 of the bed), pretending to doze but keenly aware of my surroundings. I have mastered the art of sleep obfuscation to such a fine degree that I can see what the tree rats are plotting in my dreams. Luckily on this night I woke myself with a fart.
You see, I am a Doberman Pinscher and I was put on this earth to fend off the dastardly squirrels from bringing chaos upon our side of the duplex. My mission is simple - defend the Leader at any and all cost.
Thankfully my subconscious mind realized the imminent danger and sounded my faithful butt-trumpet. The silence was broken with the pfffft-hiss. My ears instantly perked. I knew when I smelled the sweet-sour odor of partially digested pig ear and that sticky-hairy thing I found on the kitchen floor that it could only mean one thing, SQUIRREL!
My instincts took over. I leaped into action. Being a one-dog army, my duties are many and I often have to multitask. So I checked the perimeter and sounded the alarm simultaneously. I spun in several circles upon the Leader's bed while unleashing a mighty yowl. This tactic I use often due to it's effectiveness. Not once has a fuzzy fiend made it past the front line.
Keenly aware that there could be rodenty-assassins coming from any direction under the cover of night, I adjusted my tactics. The Leader must remain safe. During self-taught body-guard training camp, I learned to get between the Leader and any threat, tackling him to the ground if need be. Luckily he was asleep and already prone. I made certain he stayed that way. I was blessed with four strong legs, each a deadly weapon. As I spun and barked the alarm, I held the Leader down with one paw to the face to prevent him from sitting up. I was also very aware that he needed to be alert and ready to head to cover if the situation escalated. So I stepped on his crotch. I have observed that the tactic always gets a sudden and often loud reaction.
The plan was a success. The Leader instantly went into a protective fetal position, while barking orders. In the thick of battle, I only understood a few words, mostly curses which I can only assume were directed at the squirrels. I shall not repeat them, for they are sacred and from the Leader.
As quickly as the squirrels came, they retreated. Once again I lay my head upon the bed I had sworn to protect, basking in the glory of victory. Until we meet again...
Monday, February 10, 2014
Why, Mike...Why?
Those that know me, know I love a good story and especially love to tell a good story. Telling stories (both fiction and non) for the purposes of entertainment and just a tiny bit enlightenment is my goal. I want to share things I have done or am doing as well as things others have done or are doing. The target audience is kids and adults with a sense of humor, and a love of nature and science. There will be five main types of blog entries (this may evolve).
1. News on what I'm doing, you are doing, and cool stuff other people are doing. This might be a small blurb with an attached link. Basically if I see or hear of something nifty or kick-butt I'm going to put it up here. It is my blog, suckas.
2. Book reviews and guest blogs and guest book reviews, but not reviews of guests by books, that would be awkward.
3. Hero of the week. I will tell a little about a person deserving credit for something they did with a short bio and maybe a link to whatever it was they did. I'm not sure what day it will be on yet.
4. General GrettaBot's reports on the front line action concerning her efforts to guard my castle from squirrels. She's my dog. Squirrels taunt her. It's intense.
5. Random stories I make up for no other reason than to entertain myself.
So, enjoy and please, please tell me what you like and don't like. I love suggestions. Thanks for reading.
Those that know me, know I love a good story and especially love to tell a good story. Telling stories (both fiction and non) for the purposes of entertainment and just a tiny bit enlightenment is my goal. I want to share things I have done or am doing as well as things others have done or are doing. The target audience is kids and adults with a sense of humor, and a love of nature and science. There will be five main types of blog entries (this may evolve).
1. News on what I'm doing, you are doing, and cool stuff other people are doing. This might be a small blurb with an attached link. Basically if I see or hear of something nifty or kick-butt I'm going to put it up here. It is my blog, suckas.
2. Book reviews and guest blogs and guest book reviews, but not reviews of guests by books, that would be awkward.
3. Hero of the week. I will tell a little about a person deserving credit for something they did with a short bio and maybe a link to whatever it was they did. I'm not sure what day it will be on yet.
4. General GrettaBot's reports on the front line action concerning her efforts to guard my castle from squirrels. She's my dog. Squirrels taunt her. It's intense.
5. Random stories I make up for no other reason than to entertain myself.
So, enjoy and please, please tell me what you like and don't like. I love suggestions. Thanks for reading.
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