Friday, October 24, 2014

The Adventures of General Grettabot McDoglington VS the Squirrel Armada

Day 46dw34.3 (I'm bad at mathing)

 (Author’s note- The Adventures of General Grettabot McDoglington is best read aloud using a super-hero voice, like Batman whispering.)


The following transmission must remain top secret for reasons you will soon be aware. Today marks a new era in our epic battle against the tree-rat empire, for I have acquired a new ally. She is known to a close circle of patriots simply as, “Roo.” Though with in-depth research tactics including but not limited to: territorial mark scent analysis, ear twitching data, growl and howl flow charts, fecal consistency, bark frequency, tail wag measurements, and of course thorough butt sniffing, I have discovered her base identity.

You see, she is a master of disguise. She is so talented as the art of charade that no one is truly comfortable in naming her actual species. The one detail uncovered about her past known officially is that she is Mexican. This Roo, as she refers to herself, is none other than the one and only Princess Sergeant Major Roodolph Von Scruff-and-Stuff.

She has had hundreds, perhaps thousands of pseudonyms, each tailor-made to accomplish a different mission. The list of aliases include but are not limited to: Roo Ferrigno (Undercover illegal steroids operation), Roo Reid (Underground velvet smuggling ring), Rooseph Stalin (Operation Roo Coupe), Roo Diamond Phillips (Personal security for La Bamba), and El Bitch.

I have spent many a night dreaming of how to best use her talents to turn the tide of this war and destroy those bastard nut-eating turds-with-fur once and for all. The first step of operation Roopert Murdoch is to infiltrate their society. For this part of the plan her cover will be a tree-lobster, pictured below.

Then follow-up with a smoke-screen media blitz of misinformation. Once the little nut-munchers are thoroughly confused, their leadership with be struck down like that time I tackled the nice lady while on P.T. at the park. She learned the hard way not to casually stand while chatting on the phone between me and what I thought was my prey, but turned out to be a stick or rock or something. I forgot.
I have always been a straight-forward tank of destruction in my fighting efforts. Since Roo has come around, I have seen the value in cloak and dagger warfare. I shall practice my skills of camouflage. 

Though you may not recognize this dashing wizard, it is I, General Grettabot!

Again, this is no a chimney sweep, pilgrim, or even Babebraham Lincoln. It is I! 

Until next time, remain vigilant!

-General Grettabot McDoglington

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